The Wily Python Show

Bad Dreams

By Mark Broderick

FADE IN:

INT. - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The room features a large screened television in the most prominent position. It is full of clutter of various sorts - old magazines, dirty laundry, spilled pet food, receipts, broken items. In view of the prominently posed television set is a sort of old, gray, stained couch that can be dated back to an Ikea of yesteryear.

Sitting on the morose-looking couch is a man in his mid-thirties. This is OLLIE (Steve Zahn). Greasy dark hair and a slightly out of shape figure frame a body wearing a filthy white t-shirt, some gray sweat pants and navy blue robe. He hasn't had a shave recently.

OLLIE is asleep and drooling slightly. In his lap a half-eaten box of Cheez-It snack crackers is situated quite comfortably. On his foot snores a stout dog that probably has a specific breed but would be easily mistaken for a mutt. His entire visage is bathed in the white ethereal glow of the screen of the prominently-placed television set. This glow is much stronger than what you would expect from your own TV.

The hum of the TV indicates a game show is being played. This hum begins to become louder and louder until, finally, OLLIE wakes up with a start. He looks around himself in a daze. He considers his next action for a moment. The decision is made to kick the dog off of his foot. As he does this, pain strikes his face. He tries to stand up unsuccessfully. OLLIE'S foot is asleep.

For the first time he notices the bright, blaring, babbling tube in his face. He looks away at first, the white glow bothering his tired eyes. He reaches over to where the channel changer rests between cushions of the couch. He picks it up and tries to change the channel, the game show is for some reason really bothering him. The clicker doesn't work, and he quickly discovers it has no batteries.

OLLIE

Shit.

Ollie slowly stands up. His face contorts with pain and he attempts to shake the pins and needles out of his foot. It takes more than one attempt for him to fully gain independence from the couch. He limps towards the TV, hand outstretched to manually change the channel. He suddenly steps back.

We now see why. Below the screen itself on the bottom of the TV, some large silvery teeth have appeared. The television appears to have a mouth all of a sudden. OLLIE squints at for a bit. During this time, a metallic tongue slithers out of the newly noticed mouth. OLLIE shakes his head and begins to reach down to switch the channel again. This is when the TV begins to laugh. It is a deep powerful chuckle and it scares the shit out of OLLIE, who pulls back again.

OLLIE stares at the TV and the chuckle dies out. The TV's mouth seems to disappear. OLLIE kicks the TV softly. He kicks it again, a bit harder this time. As he raises his foot to kick it a third time, the mouth reappears, opens wide and surrounds OLLIE'S foot.

OLLIE (cont'd)

Holy fuck!

The TV begins to swallow OLLIE whole.

OLLIE (cont'd)

(screaming)

Jesus fucking Christ!

The TV has swallowed most of OLLIE, the primary thing still outside the TV's mouth being his head.

OLLIE (cont'd)

(screaming)

What the fuck is happeni-

It's too late. OLLIE is gone. The TV licks its teeth greedily. 

INT. - GAmE SHOW SET - UNDETERMINED TIME

OLLIE finds himself on the very bright pastel colored set of the game show that was on when he woke up. Surrounding him are a clean cut suit-wearing GAME SHOW HOST (Gary Cole), three contestants, a scoreboard, three standalone doors and a large studio audience. Presently the studio audience is laughing uproariously. OLLIE looks around nervously.

The laughter subsides after quite a while. The GAME SHOW HOST holds a long slender stainless steel microphone up to his mouth and he speaks into to it.

GAME SHOW HOST

Well! It looks like we've been delivered a fourth contestant! Isn't that great everybody!

The audience applauds and laughs and sounds generally happy as do two of the three contestants. The third, a short fat middle-aged man wearing glasses, remains silent and even looks a bit pissed off. This man is FINNIGAN (Wayne Knight). After some general cheer, the GAME SHOW HOST notices that FINNIGAN is responding differently to everyone else. He calls the audience to silence with a wave of his microphone and then turns to FINNIGAN.

GAME SHOW HOST (cont'd)

Isn't that great, Finnigan?

FINNIGAN looks hard at the GAME SHOW HOST.

FINNIGAN

No, I don't think it's great. In fact I think it sucks that he gets to join in now.

The GAME SHOW HOST holds his stare on FINNIGAN as his face changes to pure anger. He smashes FINNIGAN in the head with the long metal microphone, knocking him to the floor. He proceeds to brutally murder FINNIGAN's body with the microphone. The whole audience erupts with laughter as do the two contestants. If OLLIE didn't look freaked already, he now looks totally petrified. He runs up to the podiums of the other contestants to talk to them.

OLLIE

(terrified)

What is this? What's going on?

The two contestants continue to laugh, completely ignoring OLLIE. The GAME SHOW HOST is now sprayed with blood as he destroy's FINNIGAN'S already well mangled body. THE GAME SHOW HOST looks back from his work to flash a bloody smile and give a gory thumbs up. This sends the audience to even greater heights of hilarity. OLLIE looks at the audience for a moment and then turns back to the contestants.

OLLIE (cont'd)

(frantically)

One of you! Please, speak to me! What is happening? Where am I? What are you doing? What is going on? What is happening?

The contestants continue to laugh.

CONTESTANT #1

(through hysterics)

This show gets the ratings because of how flavor it is. You can't beat it in the category of raw.

CONTESTANT #2

Raw, riveting, exotic flavors is what I always say.

OLLIE

(almost crying)

Please! Somebody tell me!

CONTESTANT #2

What's behind the doors. Look at what's behind the doors.

OLLIE turns to the three doors. He runs over to them. He can't decide which one to open. The GAME SHOW HOST looks up from his murdering and turns his view to OLLIE. His face is covered in blood as is most of his body.

GAME SHOW HOST

Hey, that isn't allowed!

The GAME SHOW HOST jumps up. OLLIE opens the middle door and walks through into...

INT. - BUTCHER SHOP - CoNTINUOUS

...into a butcher shop. OLLIE is moving so fast as he enters the shop that he almost has his hand cut off by a nearby butcher slicing up a cut of beef.

BUTCHER

Hey, watch it buddy.

OLLIE stops racing and looks around. There are many butcher tables about and at each one is a butcher doing work on an individual cut of meat. Between the tables there are numerous waiters in clean white uniforms milling about carrying hot metal platters.

OLLIE walks through the maze of butcher tables to the center of the room where there is finely set restaurant table for two. There is an older man (Pete Postlethwaite) and woman (Joan Allen) sitting at the table looking at individual menus. However, in front of both the man and the woman there is already a plate full of food. They are very well-dressed individuals. OLLIE recognizes the couple.

OLLIE

Mom? Dad?

The couple do not respond. Next to the table stands a waiter in a clean white uniform. The two hand their menus to him. He takes them and then gives them each a new menu.

OLLIE (cont'd)

What's going on? Why are you in a butcher shop?

They continue to not respond. They give their menus to the waiter who seems to have an endless supply that he pulls from his back pocket.

OLLIE (cont'd)

Will you guys stop looking at those stupid menus! You already have food. Right there in front of you.

No response. OLLIE notices that their lips are moving in the shape of words but there is no sound he can hear other than the chopping of meat and his own voice.

OLLIE (cont'd)

Why can't I hear you?

OLLIE'S mother and father look at each and their lips stop moving. As they meet eye to eye they both look rather cross. They set their menus down and pick up their plates of food and silverware. They stand, turn, and begin to walk through the maze of butcher tables, carrying their plates with them.

OLLIE (cont'd)

Where are you going?

OLLIE follows them through the maze of butcher tables.

OLLIE (cont'd)

Are you leaving? Where are we?

The two followed by OLLIE reach the front of the BUTCHER shop and exits the maze of butcher tables by way of the front door entrance.

EXT. - STREET IN FRONT OF BUTCHER SHOP - CONTINUOUS

OLLIE'S parents walk to and enter a black town car, the father on the driver side and the mother on the passenger side. OLLIE walks to the doors of the back seat. He tries to open one but it is locked. The car turns on and the wheels begin to spin furiously. Worried that the car is about to drive away OLLIE tries spastically to open the door but to no avail. The car's wheels continue to spin furiously against the ground but produce no movement. Finally the back door unlocks and OLLIE gets in to the back seat of the car.

INT. - BLACK TOWN CAR - CONTINUOUS

OLLIE gets situated in the leather back seat. The car begins to move.

OLLIE

Mom, dad, what the hell is going on? Where are we going?

The mother and father sitting in the front seat say nothing. The mother eats food of her plate with a fork and spoon. The father manipulates the steering wheel with the plate of food in his lap.

OLLIE (cont'd)

I don't understand what's happening.

The car drives for a while and then suddenly another car crashes directly into the side of the town car. The vehicle begins to spin wildly. OLLIE screams.

OLLIE (cont'd)

Sweet fucking Christ what is happening! AHHHHH!

The father begins to shout also.

FATHER

AHHHHHH! AHH! AHHHHHHHHH!

The mother remains silent.

The car has now been spinning for quite a while. A very unnatural amount of time, actually. OLLIE continues to scream. His father has shouted for awhile, but now he stops. He begins to page through a magazine, but gets food on it. He pushes the plate off of his lap and all the food falls onto the bottom of his pants and feet. The mother stops eating off of her plate. She sets her plate on the dashboard and begins to try to clean off the father's feet.

Meanwhile, OLLIE continues to scream. A joystick appears in front of him. We pan around him until we are behind his head. That is when we realize we are actually in...

INT. - VIDEO GAME ROOM - CONTINUOUS

OLLIE and his friend, GREG (Johnny Galecki), play video games while sitting on individual LAY-Z-BOY chairs. GREG has a beard and is in his late twenties.

GREG

Dude, seriously, you really suck at this game.

OLLIE dreamily begins to actively play the game.

OLLIE

Where - uh, what...wha - what game are we playing?

GREG gives a OLLIE a very strange look.

GREG

Are you fucking shrooming?

OLLIE

What? No - I'm just - it's just, uh...

GREG

Jesus. I knew you were playing shittier than usual but still...when did you take them, man?

OLLIE

I didn't - I'm not.

GReg

I can't believe you take shrooms at my house and don't offer me any. Some friend you are.

GREG pounds the video game controller hard.

GREG (cont'd)

Dead, again. I can't believe you, man. Think that's a new record -

OLLIE

Greg?

GreG

Yeah? Come on, get in on this, I'm not playing single player just so -

OLLIE

How did we get here?

GREG laughs.

GREG

(through laughter)

All right now. Let me get my tape recorder.

The room begins to darken.

OLLIE

Greg, I'm serious. I have no idea what's going on.

OLLIE turns his head to look out the window. The camera follows his view. It is becoming night very rapidly.

GREG (o.S.)

(sarcastically)

Okay, Towelie.

OLLIE

Greg...

The room is now very dark. OLLIE turns back to look at GREG and the camera follows his view again. GREG is no longer there.

The room is now pitch black. We can only hear OLLIE's quickened breaths.

OLLIE (cont'd)

(whispering)

What...

GREG's VOICE

I swear, he's totally fucking tripped out. I didn't see him take anything but he must have.

UnKNOWN VOICE

Jesus, he's breathing pretty fast...are you sure we shouldn't like call someone?

UNKNOWN VOICE #2

Syd! Don't write on his face!

SYD's VOICE

I'll do whatever I want, asshole.

GREG'S VOICE

I don't think he's even aware that we're here.

UNKnown voice

What, he's like comatose?

UNKNOWN VOICE #3

Let's turn on the strobe.

SYD'S VOICE

Wait, I'm not done writing.

UNKNOWN VOICE #3

Fuck you, Syd.

A strobe light turns on. We can now see short glimpses of OLLIE, whose face has the word 'cock' written over and over all over it. And we realize we are actually in...

INT. - NIGHT CLUB - CONTINUOUS

The strobe light illuminates numerous bodies dancing for precious instants in between the darkness. A fast techno beat thumps through the club. OLLIE is among the throng, and he begins to dancing so as not to appear out of order. As much as he tries to fit in, you can see the fear in his eyes. A girl (Lauren Ambrose) dances up to him. She is short and pretty with fiery red hair. They begin to dance with each other. They smile at one another flirtatiously. After dancing for awhile, the girl pulls OLLIE out of the crowd of people and to the side of the club.

GIRL

(shouting slightly over pumping music)

I'm Jen. What's your name?

OLLIE takes a moment before responding.

OLLIE

Eric.

JeN

Eric?

OLLIE

(shaking his head)

No, it's not. I don't know why I just said that. It's Ollie.

JEN laughs.

JEN

Do you watch the X-Files?

OLLIE

Is that show still on?

JEN

I have it on DVD. And it's on cable sometimes. Come on!

JEN grabs OLLIE by the hand and pulls him after her. She heads for the exit of the night club.

Ext. - STREET OUTSIDE NIGHT CLUB - CONTINUOUS

JEN is pulling OLLIE behind towards a dark green limousine. She reaches the back door of the limo and opens it. She pulls OLLIE into it with her. 

INT. - BACK SEAT OF limousine - CONTINUOUS

OLLIE sits in the finely upholstered back seat of the limo and JEN begins to kiss him. As they kiss, we notice that various vines and plants are beginning to grow in the limo.

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